Friday, August 8, 2014

Why your plans don't matter- at least in my experience

Your plans really do not matter. Seriously- your plans are as useful as a blueprint written on etch-a-sketch. At least that has been my experience. Everything from deciding we wanted to have children, to our daughter's birth and even this blog post- it's all completely different than what I could have ever planned.

Tim and I decided we wanted to start a family back in June of 2012- I remember this because the same night we talked about it, we went out and bought a Playstation 3. Hindsight: I now realize that is maybe one of the many reasons we weren't ready to be parents just yet! Regardless, we had decided and I'm a stubborn Southern gal and I wanted to have a baby right then. Of course, it didn't happen. And it kept not happening. Talk about major discouragement and wrecking plans! It wasn't until 16 months later that we would find out that we were expecting.

Fast forward to birthing classes. I like to learn, I like to prepare...I like to plan- so I signed us up to take birthing classes at St. Francis. It is worth mentioning that Tim was not a fan of this idea at first, but he was a good husband and decided to actively participate. I had also joined a mom's group on Facebook for July 2014 moms. Between the two I learned about birth plans. Birth plans are these cute little lists, sometimes really elaborate and illustrated, of all the things you think you want and don't want at birth. Sounds normal for someone like me who loves making lists! But really, what I think snapped me into the reality of "your plans don't matter" is when we played a game that included all these crazy scenarios that meant you couldn't have your epidural, or your natural birth etc. I remember going home after class that night and telling Tim, "you know...birth plans are stupid because anything can happen. I think we need to play this as it comes." Sounds like maybe I had made an adult and very mature conclusion....but really in the back of my head I was still probably thinking "I WANT ALL THE DRUGS!!!" Actually I know I wanted the drugs because I clearly remember asking for them during birth and was told "Oh honey, you need to push..."

On that not, fast forward just a little bit more to the birth of our daughter. Many of you already know, but our kid is known as Six Minutes at the hospital. Basically, I labored all day at work, and then some at home, and then a little at the hospital. Apparently not enough though. I was sent home from the hospital with an Ambien and told to go home and relax after three hours (are you kidding me???). We made it home...I took a bath, a shower, got in the bed...then my water broke. Little one decided she needed to get out. She almost came in the car. I begged my husband to pull over because I knew our baby was coming...alas..he did not oblige- he had his own plan. From the time I got out on the curb of the ER, to the time my baby was born...SIX MINUTES! There were no IVs, no hospital gowns, no time for checking in new paperwork, most importantly to a wimp like me...NO DRUGS!!! I basically took off my ill fitting sweatpants and gave birth. I mean talk about a HUGE slap in the face to planners! Nothing about what happened to us was in any sort of game plan (actually well, I'm glad I had started earlier that week packing a hospital bag for everyone- that did help- even if they weren't finished). I can honestly say though I never expected to have a natural birth like that! Some people tell me they are jealous...but I don't know. It was pretty scary- and then there's the lovely fact my daughter was birthed into this world while I wore a shirt that said "Sleep Now, Study Later."

Even this blog post. I had all these plans for maternity leave, and now here it is - I'm seven weeks in, and I "plan" to go back after nine weeks. I was going to blog every day- every single milestone about our little one. I was going craft all kinds of stuff, even make her scrapbook. Geez, I was going to at least finish her nursery. None of that has happened. I am breastfeeding on demand and wow- that takes up a lot of your time- basically all of your time because you never know when the baby will want to eat. Luckily, she is starting to form some patterns, plus we have Nana helping us with chores, etc. I also attend an amazing breastfeeding moms group.

So let me reiterate this life lesson I'm actively learning. Planning is great, but don't agonize over every single tiny detail ( because life has its own plans. I'm taking it one day at a time and enjoying getting to know this beautiful baby:

Little Miss

Mommy and baby

Already a month old! Almost two!

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